Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Trip

In a society of soft-tongued parenting manuals that focus on behavior change only, Tripp takes the harder approach to shepherding children’s hearts. He addresses deep needs that a child must address before true behavioral change can take place.

Drawing on his years of experience as a pastor, counselor, school administrator and father, Tripp gives valuable help to parents. He discusses goals, methods and communication.

The Basics

This book teaches parents the biblical goals of child rearing and the Scriptural methods to achieve those ends. It helps parents discard unbiblical models that are based on hit-or-miss theories steeped in secular thinking. Instead, Tripp argues that parenting is about shepherding children’s hearts—not changing their behavior.

Tripp works backwards from the child’s behavior to identify the heart attitude that caused it. This is a much more effective approach to parenting than simply trying to change misbehavior or ignoring the heart issues that lie beneath.

He explains how to engage children’s hearts through encouragement, rebuke, entreaty, instruction, and warning. He also explains that the rod (spanking) is a biblical tool to be used when a child’s behavior is in a sinful, dangerous state. He uses a number of scriptures to defend spanking, which makes sense given the current climate regarding any form of corporal punishment. He also teaches that the goal of discipline is to point children to a righteous, holy God.

The Purpose

As a parent, it is your responsibility to shepherd your childrens hearts, which means more than just correcting their behavior. It also involves providing biblical shaping influences and teaching them Godward orientation. Ultimately, your childs heart is the final determinate of how they will behave and who they will become (Proverbs 4:23).

Tripp begins with a foundational assumption that children are sinners and need Christ. He then lays out the principles that he believes should govern parenting, including short and long term goals for raising children and methods for accomplishing those goals.

He focuses on communication and the rod as tools that parents must have in their toolboxes to shepherd childrens hearts. He warns against relying on the ever-changing advice of experts who are not grounded in Scripture. He encourages parents on multiple fronts, including being aware and intentional of shaping influences and learning to work back from the behaviors to the heart so that you can unmask the underlying issues.

The Process

Tripp explains that shaping influences and a Godward orientation determine who your child becomes, and that parents should provide these. He also stresses that parenting involves authority and a willingness to be an authority figure, regardless of your child’s age.

Discipline should be a loving expression of your love for your children, and it must be focused on bringing them back to God. Tripp teaches that the goal of biblical discipline is to address the heart issues behind misbehavior, and this requires communication.

He also warns against unbiblical goals and methods, such as pop psychology, behavior modification, emotional manipulation, punitive correction, and inconsistency. He explains that while some of these techniques may work temporarily, they will not be sustainable. He advocates communication as the primary way to correct your children, but he also suggests that spanking is a biblical way of addressing heart issues. Sadly, I cannot accept his view of spanking as biblical because it is condescending and arrogant and borders on legalism.

The Results

As a book written in 1995, the principles in Shepherding a Child’s Heart are still relevant to parents. The heart change that Tripp argues for is still needed and a biblically based approach to parenting is important for all parents.

Tripp’s main goal is to train parents to address the heart issues that are behind childhood misbehavior and that children should be shepherded into submission under God. His approach is both challenging and beneficial for new parents and seasoned parents alike.

Unfortunately, Tripp’s views on spanking are over the top. He tries really hard to make his brand of spanking seem not punitive, but he hasn’t found a way to justify it with the Bible (except for a few Proverbs). His view of authority is also condescending and arrogant. I am shocked at how he condemns other methods of discipline such as time outs and taking possessions away from a disobedient child. He seems to think that all other methods of punishment are unbiblical.